A Festivus Miracle

Alright…here’s the deal.  I want to push some stuff out of the Hodala Warehouse (aka…Sally’s Basement)  So for the rest of the month of December, I’m going to throw in a Hodala Pin that was made specifically for Sally’s wedding this fall on any order over $30 (shipping included) until the few I have left are gone.

“Is that a pledge pin…”

That’s it.  Now go to the store…purchase some merch…and support your local SSCX Aholes.  Slip-n-slides don’t magically appear out of unicorn’s butt-holes and land in Woodland Park you know….

Yup. We did that.

Here are the words we put together about the Woodland Park race. You can read about it here or take a look at All Hail The Black Market or CX Magazine for their personally edited versions :

It’s been randomly known in some circles that Hodala is a team that was built without giving a shift. Part of this is due to the nature of the Single Speeder and the culture that has helped cultivate this mentality. The other part can be attributed to the amazing people who repeatedly host events and tolerate us year after year. Case in Point, the fine people at MFG Cyclocross here in Seattle who have often turned a blind eye, or merely crossed their arms and shook their head back and forth like a disappointed parent when our “soup kitchen” of a trailer shows up.

With no intent on traveling to #sscxwc in Italy (you’re welcome EU) we turned our full attention to the crown jewel of Seattle CX….Woodland Park. In years past we’ve hosted luau’s, beach parties, a disco, 80’s metal fest and have often created a winter wonderland at what has been dubbed “Hodala Corner”. This year’s plan was a little more ambitious…make a ‘long cut’ with a giant slip-n-slide and a foam pit. We figured it would take 30+ pallets, some plywood, a big roll of visqueen, over a dozen bottles of dish soap, 3 kegs of tasty beer and a leaf blower. No problem. Right?

Disclaimer, this is not legal in most forms of racing and I’m sure would be punishable at an OBRA race with a DQ and forfeiture of all Rapha apparel. We did not alter the course in any way (we merely created an ‘option’) and we got permission from MFG in the form of a subtle ‘don’t make a mess’ response.

To be totally honest we had NO idea about what everyone would think of it and were hopeful that people would partake in the little bit of fun we were trying to create. By the end of the day we were beyond stoked with the number of people who ‘opted in’ for the shenanigans and completely blown away when the leaders of the Pro ½’s race (Steve Fisher, Spencer Paxson, Russell Stevenson and Kaler Marshall with the overall series title on the line) came to an accord and giggled their way down the ‘illegal’ course option covered in Hodala foam. Like finding the true meaning of Christmas, I guess it really is possible to race a bike and have some fun.

I’m sure there are some people out there who will find some kind of fault in what we did and maybe claim that these kinds of antics are ruining cross. To which my only reply is to crack a beer and salute them in their pursuit of outstanding results in their athletic endeavors. Meanwhile, we’ll just place another 6-pack in the pit area and continue to spread our own kinda racing around.

That’s a wrap on the 2017 CX Season.  Time to put the Hobago back into storage and start planning shit for CX Nationals that will be in our backyard in 2 years.

Hodala Hill

This is one of those posts that could easily turn into an Illiad of writing. Instead, I’ll try and cut it down to a palatable amount of words fitting for a 140 character society.

The first prints received from KCE

#KCE is a little-known celebrity in the cycling industry.  Going back 5+ years random people involved in the trade began receiving envelopes with pieces of bicycle-themed art in them with the only a PO box and KCE in the in return address. These little Random Acts of Art (or Awesome) became a massive ‘thank you’ to many of us who were lucky enough to receive them. It’s widely known that working in the ‘industry’ is one of pure passion…because it is a thankless, time consuming, low paying job that gets ripped apart daily by arm-chair-comment-trolling-I-can-do-better a-holes that have no idea what it actually involved in getting a bike from concept to consumer…and when these envelopes showed up in our mailboxes, it was a moment of pure excitement to see what new rendering we had received.

When KCE approached us about doing a piece, everything quickly went to the Schwinn Exerciser bike we perched atop a pile of wood chips at SSCXWCXPDX. It was an easy choice to represent Hodala and all of our years involved in SSCXWC as it made the cover of ROAD magazines FINAL publication in a grand send-off as it goes to the EU this year.

Hate to see you go….

We (honestly) do not deserve something as rad as this…but we are extremely excited to share it with all of you. Only 50 of these have been handmade…and we’ve already grabbed a few for ourselves…and once they’re gone, they’re gone forever.

Hodala Hill print. Click the link below for the details

Order yours now. 

(if you live in the Seattle area and will be seeing Hodala at the remaining CX races, enter SOUTHPARK for hand delivery at a race…just swing by the Hobago to claim your goods and a beer)

Proof

Proof that Zombie Jesus loves our new shirts so much, he did not smote Cheever and leave him for worm food.

“And immediately the angel of the Lord smote him, because he gave not God the glory: and he was eaten of worms, and gave up the ghost.”  –  Acts 12:23

Thus making you invincible when you wear it.

Drink from his cup…we dare you

Patches? You bet your sweet ass we have patches

And now available in a more portable size to add to your jean jacket.

Proof that a solid thrust hug, an exercise bike and clown makeup will get you noticed by even the most conservative of bike brands.

Any more proof and you’d be able to fire a musket.

No Bothans Were Harmed Acquiring These Coozies

In fact…in all my years of Star Wars Fanboy-dom don’t I ever recall even seeing a Bothan.

Just in time for the release of Rogue One, a fat batch of Rainier2D2 Coozies have landed in our store.

We have both sizes. 12 AND 16oz

Lovingly hand made by the legendary Corndog of Dank Bags, these coozies are as unique and elusive as the man who made them.  A man so shrouded in mystery he is found only on social media under the tag #corndogdoingthings and talked about in loud bars as a Coozie craftsman with no equal in the lesser Seattle area.

Order one now, grab a bunch of your favorite yellow beer, drink every time someone says “Rebel” or Rebellion” and toast them on their successful mission to steal the plans for the DeathStar.  (if that’s a spoiler, you have no business being our friend)

Where the ROAD ends

“Don’t worry….we’ll turn off the lights when we leave”

Like all unwanted guests, we’re often the last to leave the party, bar or cross course.  So perhaps it was destiny we found ourselves on the cover of the final issue of ROAD magazine from the shit show that was SSCXWCXPDX.

Tubthumping may have been our theme song for the weekend. Please don’t ask why…

We swear Adam…we did NOT steal your race packet and take it to the gentleman’s club

2016 really needed to fuck off. Is it to early to tell 2017 to do the same?

We enjoyed a particularly indecent relationship with the fine people at ROAD that included trips to Philly, Bikini Baristas, the grail (RIP) and our very own Hot Laps Craig contributing to a number of issues with a column titled Hot Topics with Craig.  The shuttering of their doors is further proof that we just can’t have nice things.

Within a week of the announcement the website was turned off, and we were informed that no print version would be available.  We did manage to download a copy and have it available if you want to give it a gander.

Should you trust something we put on the internet for you to download?  Probably not.  But go ahead and do it anyway.

Download  click it….go on…do it

 

The newest in a long line of folks trying to “simplify” the bicycle.

Look. I know that it’s been awhile. I’m not here to make promises of the triumphant return of Hodala.cx. We’ve all been through that before. I’m only here to show both of you who still check into this blog the most insane bicycle related thing I’ve seen today. Full Disclosure: I’m probably not the first person to post this. I don’t have any idea. The internet is a race and I’ve probably lost (like I do in bike races). With all of that in mind, I present:

The Bicymple.

wall2

Where to begin? It appears to be two forks, two head tubes, two stems, and two seat tubes smashed together? It swivels? It is a direct drive hub that coasts? You pedal behind you? The rider appears to be sitting directly on his nutsack and resting the remainder of his weight on his hands? Everything that can be written about this bike ends in a question mark.

I’m sure that this dude is a super nice guy because 86 people pledged him $45,000 on kickstarter. (!!!) Good luck to him.

Maybe it is just me, but I don’t need a more deathtrappy fixed gear.

 

SSCXWC ’13 Philly Photos

SSCXWC13Philly

Did you miss us? Probably not, but we’re going to try and run this thing back and get back to posting on a semi-regular basis.

Hodala’s had a pretty momentous 2013, but I couldn’t let the year end without posting something about our recent trip to Philly for SSCXWC. I’m not sure that I can even describe how much rad was gotten on our first big excursion to the East Coast. Lets do a quick rundown:

Prominent cycling magazine editors who slept on our couch – 1

Highest placing in the main race – 4th went to Brian Myers

Inches of snow fall during the race – 4

Drinks – One thousand hundred million

Gogo dancers – 1

Angry Canadians who were kicked out of their bed by that gogo dancer – 1

Number of people who nearly died in a murder basement – 1

Bars – ???

Soundtrack for the weekend – What’s Going On by the goddamn 4NonBlondes (I don’t want to talk about it)

Times that I personally got a bike stuck in a subway turnstile and had to remove my handlebars to back it out – 1

TROGDOR!!!!!’s – at least 20 (I don’t understand this either)

Midnight pizza deliveries – 3

Extended “conversations” overheard about zip ties – easily a dozen

Times Randy had his face humped by a Belgian on top of a junkyard van – 1

PantsOffDanceOff parties – 4

Cheesesteaks – Surprisingly few

Thanks – All of them. Literally all of the thanks in the world to everyone in Philly who made this happen.

A really special thanks to the establishments who hosted us. Lucy’s Hat Shop, Moshulu, and especially to Keswick Cycles. Those guys let us ship our bikes to the shop, received an order of Bern helmets for us to complete our jockey costumes, gave us two stands to build our 20 bikes, stored our cases, threw the Friday night party, and then let us box everything back up and shipped our bikes out again on Monday. We might’ve had a brief misunderstanding when the grail was unveiled on Friday night, but they are stand-up guys. Visit their shop and give them some of your money.

Oh, and Dave Pryor. God Damn I love that man for everything that he did to make last weekend happen. You sir are a Gentlemen and a Scholar.

Other people are much better photographers that we are and Hodala is currently breaking the internet with all of the coverage of us. Here are some links:

Dylan VanWeelden’s guest spot on Prollyisnotprobably

A video from Road Magazine

Abram Eric Landes Photography

I’ll be updating this post as more photo galleries show up online.

Alright, all of this reminiscing about Philly is starting to make my liver shudder. Never again. Until next year. See you in Louisville. #KyFnCx

Cheers,

 

Grail heist

I was down in Portland this past Sunday doing Portlandy things (getting an asymmetrical haircut, unlearning how to corner in the mud, etc.) when I received the following text with the caption “Look in the upper left hand corner.”

photo-57

Wait, what the fuck?!

photo-58

The grail had been spotted for the first time in 2 years! Immediately (after a couple more beers) we flew into action to formulate a plan to bring the grail back to Seattle lest it disappear again.

A quick history:

If you don’t know what the hell I’m talking about, here is a very old post about the beginnings of the grail.

Forged in the fires of someone’s garage, the Grail represents a rivalry between Seattle and Portland that has become spiritless. Apathy has replaced the sort of jovial feuding that once spread across the PNW every fall. There hasn’t been a grail race in 3 years. The last I remember the grail was won by Portland at a ‘cross race in Rainier, stolen back by Seattle, then maybe stolen again at the 2009 SSCXWC. Honestly, I barely remember how it ended up in Chris DiStefano’s hands (allegedly for only one day). And the Grail wasn’t seen until Sunday when it appeared above the bar at VeloCult.

VeloCultBannerLogo

I can’t say enough nice things about VeloCult and Sky. The shop is great, they sell Raleighs, they serve beer and coffee, and they host events for films and live music. Sky gave us a tour and showed us his amazing mountain bike collection. If I wasn’t so busy thinking about how I was going to rob him, then I would’ve taken a bunch of photos and dedicated an entire post to his shop. He was incredibly nice and knowledgeable even after I told him that I was going to be taking the Grail home with me.

After 7pm, Sky dimmed the lights and a bunch of teachers came in to watch a documentary on the pull down projection screen. This felt like our best chance at the grail. It had been placed atop their back bar – 8 feet in the air and 5-6 feet away from the barstools. To get it we needed to stand on top of the bar, step over to the cooler, jump to the ledge on the backbar, grab the Grail, jump back over the bar and get out of the shop. Which is exactly what Ken did when Sky took the rest of us downstairs to hang out in the lounge and drink our beers away from the teachers. I wasn’t there to see it, and apparently none of the teachers even blinked an eye while it was happening, but it sounds like some ninja shit to me.

After I got confirmation that the grail had left the building, Sky and I talked about the grail and how it’d ended up on top of his bar. Apparently it was in someone’s basement for the last two years and they’d given it to Sky with the condition that he not tell anywhere where he got it and only told him “This thing is a big deal.” He’d had it in his office for nearly a month and had only put it up in his shop less than 12 hours before we took it back.

There are a few clues as to where this thing has been for the last couple of years, but I’m no Hercule Poirot. It now has a Cthulhu sticker, an Evil sticker, and inside there is an empty Guldendraak bottle and a Playboy with Kim Kardashian on the cover.

There are already some early comments on facebook from Portlanders who are too cool to have fun, but we’d like to put the grail back into circulation.

photo-56

We’ll figure out a grail race this year and bring it down to Portland at least once. It’ll probably also be at all of the MFG races this year. Within the next couple of days the grail will be on display around Seattle, per the rules:

1.  No defacing of the grail.  The Grail is bigger than all of us.  Respect her.  This includes stickers, she’s not a billboard for your pathetic political causes.

2.  The Grail must be on public display during normal business hours.  Not locked away with the gimp you keep in your basement.

3.  The Grail must be present at all official Grail events held in the Northwest, no matter who is in possession.  This includes StarCrossed, Grail weekend, USGP weekend, SSCXWC, Nationals.

4.  There has been a lifetime restraining order placed on Johnny Sundt and Geoff Kabush.  Neither are allowed within 100 feet of the grail.  This also goes for their mechanics, girlfriends, boyfriends, and all Canadians.

I don’t know who wrote those rules, but I’m on board with keeping EL Gato the hell away from this thing.

C’mon, Portland – Grail de la Grunge Cup 2013. Let’s do this. In the meantime I’m going to start making up for lost time and take a bubble bath with it.

See you all at RandyCross in a couple of weeks.

 

 

15 lb. bike and a 40 lb. bag

You know those days when it is cold and rainy outside, but you’ve managed to pull off exactly the right combination of layering so that you stay dry and never get too cold or warm on your ride? Those magical days when you’re not shivering, but you don’t end your ride with a back pocket full of arm warmers, extra gloves, rain jacket and a wool jersey wrapped around your waist Kurt Cobain-style? Today was like that. My trip to Bend for the USGP last weekend was, sadly, not.

It is difficult to prepare for the amount of awesomeness that was about to go down in addition to the forecast of rain and sub-freezing temperatures all weekend. Two 28 degree, 8:45 am ‘cross races in Bend in what was supposed to be pouring rain would’ve been enough, but there was also the matter of a quick pit stop in PDX for The Sword on Saturday night. So on Friday morning I threw all of my rain gear into a bag with my Sorel boots and most metal-est t-shirt and headed to work with a giant fucking bag on my carbon ‘cross bike.

We got down to Portland early enough on Friday evening to stand around in a Fred Meyer parking lot and drink a few beers with Case, Jason Britton, and some guys from PDW. Eventually a security guard came by and said “I don’t mind if you guys hang out, but keep the profanity down, okay?” No problem, officer.

Sometimes I really love Portland. Wait… I mean… FPDX!

And then we saw The motherfucking Sword!

We also ran into Cheever, but I wasn’t able to get a photo because he was too busy jumping onto people’s backs and grabbing strangers asses. He was definitely edging into Stan Beaver territory.

If you live on the West Coast and you didn’t go see The Sword last week then you’re doing it wrong.

– begin metal tangent –

Did you guys see that Metallica is now on Spotify? I mean… there are a lot of things going against Metallica and lots of people have lots of reasons for hating them now. There’s all of the Napster stuff, the fence he built on his property to keep mountain bikers out, the existence of this photo, etc. Not to mention all of the music after 1988 (or 1991, depending on how indignant you want to get). But c’mon, Metallica made some pretty fucking rad albums. Remember Garage Days? A very inebriated friend even recently tried to convince a few of us that Metallica was the best metal band of all time by saying “How many really great albums does Sabbath have? 2? Metallica’s got at least 3.5!”. (Let’s not talk about the other friend who advocated for AC/DC by going on and on about how Back in Black is by far their worst album. F you Joe.) Anyway, you can now go listen to Master of Puppets without having to directly give Metallica any money. If that’s the sort of thing that you’re into.

– end metal tangent –

Where was I? Oh! So we got out of Portland late enough that we didn’t arrive in Bend until about 4.5 hours before our race. What is the USGP thinking when the single speed race goes off at 8:45 am? Ugh. I get up early on the regular, but that doesn’t give anyone nearly enough time to recover from the previous nights drinks, have a cup of coffee, take a crap, and maybe, just maybe, get a lap in before the start of their race. I might’ve bitched about MFG having single speeds as the last race of the day, but this is not an alternative I’m okay with. I’ve got a new found respect for all of the Cat 4 and Masters racers who are out there at the crack of dawn all season. Fortunately, some of us are made of hardier stuff than I am and Greg raced to 5th place on Saturday despite the same drinks, metal, and lack of sleep that I had. Craig took second and still managed to find time to film Hot Laps With Craig.

Afterwards, Randy came through with some Apple Pie Moonshine from someone’s Mom and it made me forget about how bad at racing I am.

He’s really been strengthening his heckling muscles while recovering from shoulder surgery and I thought he was going to make some of the pros cry during their race. Its no surprise but Hodala continues to kinda be dicks to Chris Jones. Ah well. It’s just jokes. It might be the apple pie, but for some reason I can’t remember the best heckles. Maybe DR will put ’em in the comments.

Sally had to “work” that night so a few of us went to a few bars for a few drinks and few games of pool and one girl with rad chest tattoos.

Sunday morning brought more of the same. No rain, but a frozen course and at least one Hodala rider who was too hungover/not awake enough to complete more than a few laps. Craig again brought home a 2nd place finish that secured him as the overall single speed winner for the USGP series. I mostly just hope this doesn’t mean an end to the Hot Laps season. Maybe he’ll make one in Louisville.

We all got our heckle on during the pro races, but we’re not complete pricks – Joey bought Katerina Nash a cake and we all sang her happy birthday on the finish line.

Also, Ben Berdon was rocking the World Famous Wizarm Warmers during his races this weekend.

And that’s all that I’ve got for you this week. Special thanks to .ca for being our Canadian Sherpa this weekend. It was also great to see all of the kittens down in Bend. Though we’ll be seeing a lot more of them at the SS Cup party when they don bikinis to wash bikes. It should be a fun party that promises to look something like this:

One last thing: I sent out the second round of Hodala/Philly shirts a couple of days ago, but am still waiting on more XLs. If you’ve ordered a shirt but haven’t received it, I promise it’ll be there soon.

Tardiness

Despite my best intentions,  printing issues, work, and overly vigorous holiday partying kept me from sorting and mailing out the arm warmers and Philly ’13 shirts last week as I’d originally planned. A few of you have emailed me asking where your items are, and I appreciate your semi-patience. We wanted for you all to be able to “rock” the Philly shirts and Wizarm warmers at the upcoming LA ‘cross race, so if you ordered before Turkey Day  I Priority Mailed the shit out of your stuff and it should be in your grubby little hands by Wednesday or Thursday. If you ordered after that then we’ll be printing another run of shirts this weekend and I’ll send them shortly after that.

This is your stuff going on a ride to work with me at 5:30 this morning.

We really appreciate all you of representing Hodala in LA this weekend, and it’d be great if you could send us some photos. Email me a big group photo and I’ll get you some stickers or something. hodalacx [at] gmail [dot] com

Don’t do anything we wouldn’t do, but feel free to have too much to drink, wear too little clothes, make complete asses of yourselves and piss off the organizers.

 

Cheers,

Ryan